this time of my life, i should be able to make big decisions, calculate weightage and except that reality is naturally flawed. everyone's off to unis, people i grew up with are going to unis and hell, my twin is alr in melbourne uni, and i should be heading off to uni next yr but i'm stuck. throughout my IB life, i was certain that I want to fly off to UK, hopefully on a sponsorship to ease my dad's burden, i'm still crossing my fingers that they will extend my current one. UK cos i wanna study law, but i know i have always been intrigued with the american education system, because they're more all rounded, and i have always find the UK edu system very dry and tedious. but i can't practice american law here, if i decide to do it. still not certain on that course yet tho. and if i were to apply to america, i still need to do SATS and also study for my IB in thiss 6 months, its so hardd!! why did i ever take IB or agree to take it, when i know i ain't that capable! its alr so hard to just maintain the scholarship, cos i have issues with my sloppy dressing (i don dress for school) and my inability to give good impressions. i was called into the office early this year cos ppl complained that Im always late to class and that i wore flip flops to school (guilty as charged), little do they know that i don't even go down for lunch, and i spend my days in class, so how the hell can i be late for classes. so i was under probation for attitude issues, jeez, but i'm sure they had their reasons.

i'm not here to complain bout my life, my life's good but i just wish i can be better, or be good in something and stop feeling like some incapable loser fearing that she won't make it to university. i want to fulfill my dad's dream. and i hope that's a good enough reason to push me hardd.